1.Battle:StarField

[_>Run:POEM.EXE_>64-bit_>Memory_Allocation:Dynamic_>Start:_]

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(Episode I) The New Joke:

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Excuse me Bethesda, let me Launch into critique

Paraphrase a Heavy-Weight with Elder Scrolls mystique:

Floats in like a hammer, it steers like a shield,

Todd Howards Way sailing on dated appeal.

Not Betholden to no non-fictional spiel,

It’s Fallout 76 in space: Starfield!

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(Episode II) Todd Strikes Back

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“You see clunky hammers, I see tools that can convert,

Buy into my cosmos plan, because it all just works.

Sixteen times the detail, a billion miles of deep-space,

You’re just mad at loading screens when trying to change pace!”

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(Episode III) The Farce Awakens

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The thing about that hammer, Todd, you broke the Fourth Wall.

For a game of empty space, it’s odd to cause a stall.

Changing pace? From my space base? To outer space?

Games industry with Todd Howard’s face? The Definition of Disgrace.

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(Episode IV)The New Joke+/Return of the Joke-Guy: Extended Cut

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What I’m trying to say is when you go Howard’s Way

You have bugs from yesterday infesting where you play,

It’s a Menu Simulator why am i still waiting on my meal?

And they say ‘Object Permanence’ is a good excuse for why it feels

Just like a UI Navigator and not an exploration game!

And all the voices and the NPCs are practically the same!

And the point of having Space-ships and the entire space to fly em

Is to feel like Im in peril and my actions might risk my dying!

Made the same frustrating shit,

With the old Creation kit

So the distance over speed of the ‘Kessel-ler Run’

Feels the same as fast-travelling Kvatch to Megaton.

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(Episode V) Remaster: Directors Cut with Commentary

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Yes Kessel-ler, Bethesda, to highlight the mess, duh.

And what the hell’s happ’ning to the meter of the verse?

The save files corrupting, the textures pixel-soup, ugh!

They didnt fix an issue just made the whole thing worse!

Cant keep framerate steady despite standing on the bridge

Because my inventory’s too heavy after I raided just the fridge!

Outpost gameplay’s been re-hashed

Old potatos, formed once mashed.

The meal then arrives from overworked staff, Todd.

It’s Cold, grey, spilled and been randomly craf-ted.

And it’s not like the menu items Icons,

Just the raw, unfinished, unflavoured items.

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(Extra Features: 1)

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//[CRITICAL ERROR: POEM.EXE HAS STOPPED WORKING]

_Faulting Application: Battle-Star-Field exe

_Faulting Module Name: CreationKitDOTLegacy

_Exception Code_0: 404 (Content Never Found)

_Fault Offset Diagnostic: (Todd Howard’s Hangin’ ‘round)

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(Extra Features: 2)

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//Crash Dump Analysis:

- Thread 1 (The Meter) collapsed ‘Too Many Sandwich’ weight

- Thread 2 (The Rhyme) timed out exception: Meal response late

- Memory Leak detected!

-Procedural Generation over-injected!

- Bloatware Segmentation Fault!

-Attention Lost. Sent Back To Vault.

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/*Diagnostic Recommendation:

Please wait for the community to release an unofficial mod to fix verse.*/

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(Extra Features: 3)

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//Post Runtime Diagnostics

>Strace Report on ./BFS

>Anapestic Optimisation: 1 Best

>Deliberate Micro-Stutter: 01 Yes

>Metamorphic Structure: Passed Project Sales Test.

>Rhyme Compiled in One Swift Pass.

> Industry kicked in the Ass.

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Don’t let your mouth outrun your feet,

Best pay attention to the beat.

Respect deserved is Int-er Thread,

Deliberately Int-er Bred,

Please don’t mis-hear what I have said,

All opinions come from my head!

If maybe you like what I do,

I’d like to read your comments too.